http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Publications/2009/07/07140258/0
The Role of the Registered Social Worker in Contributing to Better Outcomes for Scotland: Guidance for Local Authorities
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
More abuse like Baby P.
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/120850/Recession-will-bring-even-more-cases-like-Baby-Peter
All the more reason for the army of grandparents to be used for early detection of child abuse.
UK NEWS
RECESSION WILL BRING EVEN MORE CASES LIKE BABY PETER
GUILTY: Andrew Flanagan says there will be more child abuse like that of Baby P
Sunday August 16,2009
By Julia Hartley-Brewer
MORE children will be physically abused by their parents because of the recession, a leading children’s charity has warned.
Andrew Flanagan, the chief executive of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, warned that the economic downturn would put more children at risk from abuse by parents who turn to drink or drugs after losing their jobs.
And he called on the public to be more “vigilant” about children who may be at risk and are not “in the system”. People should not pass off responsibility to the state, he said. Mr Flanagan spoke out in the wake of the outrage this week after the courts named the killers of Baby Peter Connelly, the 17-month old boy who was tortured to death by his mother Tracey Connelly’s sadistic boyfriend Steven Barker, 33, and his paedophile brother, Jason Owen, 37, as she stood by.
In May, Connelly, 28, and Barker were given five and 12 years, respectively, for causing or allowing the death of Peter. He had more than 50 injuries, including a broken back, when he was found dead at a property in Tottenham, north London, in 2007.
Speaking exclusively to the Sunday Express, Mr Flanagan said: “Will there be more child abuse as a result of the recession? Yes. The recession is putting more children at risk. There is likely to be an increase in physical abuse and increased cases of neglect.
“It’s certainly coming up as a bigger feature in terms of the calls we get. But we probably haven’t yet fully felt the societal impact of higher redundancy levels. The research shows there is more alcohol and drug abuse in those situations, and depression can be a contributory factor, too.
Earlier recessions have shown quite a significant effect.“We already have an overloaded social work system so more cases exacerbate the problem. Charities are suffering too because donations are going down so we have fewer resources to spend in terms of trying to help.”
There is, Mr Flanagan said, a hope the public outcry over the death of Baby Peter will help to focus both the public’s and the Government’s minds on tackling the root causes of child abuse.
He said: “Baby Peter is not the first child that died since Victoria Climbie. There are children dying every few days. But every so often a case captures the public’s outrage and that then is a catalyst for change. I do think there is a momentum here.”
Victoria Climbie, aged eight, was found with 128 injuries after her death in 2000. Her great-aunt Marie Therese Kouao, 44, and her boyfriend Carl Manning, 28, from Haringey, north London, who were her guardians, are serving life sentences for her murder.
Of the 60,000 children on the child protection register at any one time (with the same number in care), half involve serious physical or sexual abuse. And despite social services’ best efforts, 70 children die every year at the hands of their parents of carers.
Since the publicity over the Baby Peter case, the NSPCC helpline, which gets 90,000 calls a year, has seen a surge in calls from people who suspect children are being abused by their neighbours or family members, with more than a third of calls concerning children who are not known to social services.
That means, on top of the thousands in the system, there could be many more abused children out there, suffering in silence.
Mr Flanagan said: “The trouble is, we don’t know what we don’t know.”
And what can ordinary people do to help stop another Baby Peter from being killed? The father of three, who took over at the NSPCC in January, said: “Vigilance – and taking some action.”
All the more reason for the army of grandparents to be used for early detection of child abuse.
UK NEWS
RECESSION WILL BRING EVEN MORE CASES LIKE BABY PETER
GUILTY: Andrew Flanagan says there will be more child abuse like that of Baby P
Sunday August 16,2009
By Julia Hartley-Brewer
MORE children will be physically abused by their parents because of the recession, a leading children’s charity has warned.
Andrew Flanagan, the chief executive of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, warned that the economic downturn would put more children at risk from abuse by parents who turn to drink or drugs after losing their jobs.
And he called on the public to be more “vigilant” about children who may be at risk and are not “in the system”. People should not pass off responsibility to the state, he said. Mr Flanagan spoke out in the wake of the outrage this week after the courts named the killers of Baby Peter Connelly, the 17-month old boy who was tortured to death by his mother Tracey Connelly’s sadistic boyfriend Steven Barker, 33, and his paedophile brother, Jason Owen, 37, as she stood by.
In May, Connelly, 28, and Barker were given five and 12 years, respectively, for causing or allowing the death of Peter. He had more than 50 injuries, including a broken back, when he was found dead at a property in Tottenham, north London, in 2007.
Speaking exclusively to the Sunday Express, Mr Flanagan said: “Will there be more child abuse as a result of the recession? Yes. The recession is putting more children at risk. There is likely to be an increase in physical abuse and increased cases of neglect.
“It’s certainly coming up as a bigger feature in terms of the calls we get. But we probably haven’t yet fully felt the societal impact of higher redundancy levels. The research shows there is more alcohol and drug abuse in those situations, and depression can be a contributory factor, too.
Earlier recessions have shown quite a significant effect.“We already have an overloaded social work system so more cases exacerbate the problem. Charities are suffering too because donations are going down so we have fewer resources to spend in terms of trying to help.”
There is, Mr Flanagan said, a hope the public outcry over the death of Baby Peter will help to focus both the public’s and the Government’s minds on tackling the root causes of child abuse.
He said: “Baby Peter is not the first child that died since Victoria Climbie. There are children dying every few days. But every so often a case captures the public’s outrage and that then is a catalyst for change. I do think there is a momentum here.”
Victoria Climbie, aged eight, was found with 128 injuries after her death in 2000. Her great-aunt Marie Therese Kouao, 44, and her boyfriend Carl Manning, 28, from Haringey, north London, who were her guardians, are serving life sentences for her murder.
Of the 60,000 children on the child protection register at any one time (with the same number in care), half involve serious physical or sexual abuse. And despite social services’ best efforts, 70 children die every year at the hands of their parents of carers.
Since the publicity over the Baby Peter case, the NSPCC helpline, which gets 90,000 calls a year, has seen a surge in calls from people who suspect children are being abused by their neighbours or family members, with more than a third of calls concerning children who are not known to social services.
That means, on top of the thousands in the system, there could be many more abused children out there, suffering in silence.
Mr Flanagan said: “The trouble is, we don’t know what we don’t know.”
And what can ordinary people do to help stop another Baby Peter from being killed? The father of three, who took over at the NSPCC in January, said: “Vigilance – and taking some action.”
The 'Charter for Fathers'
‘The Charter for Fathers’
(Dealing with Conflict, protecting children)
Separation and divorce can be a nasty and bitter experience for every one concerned especially the children. It appears to be that 90% are fathers that lose out but it can happen to mothers too.. You would not believe your new loving sweetheart, presently telling you that “I will always be yours”, could be anything else but loving and gentle.
In our experience in dealing with grandparents that are prevented from contact with their grandchildren is that there is at least one parent involved too. We have come to the conclusion that both are inseparable and in the end it is the children we feel for in the conflict of hatred, spite and revenge that ruins their lives.
We just hope you will not experience any of these horrors but! Some of you certainly will.
Too often we have heard “I just can’t believe it, that she/he could go to these extremes like telling lies about domestic violence and using the children for revenge and blackmail to get back at me for their own selfish means”.
If you are experiencing marital problems or thinking of separating get in touch with a family group for advice. Do not delay and do not try to work it out yourself or force your will on anyone. Contact any of us listed on the contacts list before you do anything, and we mean anything. If we can’t help we will know a man that can.
1. Urgent! Firstly contact an outside family agency, someone not involved with the family and keep contact throughout. You must resolve the situation without any aggression or incidents or you will lose. If you don’t heed this you will possibly lose your children as well.
2. Speak to someone in a help group before contacting anyone you are in conflict with.. You will be too emotional to handle this on your own.
3. Do not swear or raise your voice or obstruct in any way. if you do come in contact with your ex-partner or their family.
4. If the police become involved move away as directed immediately. The police have no stomach for family problems. Do not argue or try to reason as you will get removed and possibly charged with breach or harassment and it will never be removed from your record, even if you are innocent. It could be used against you if courts or Social Services get involved. Don’t give any excuse or you will be indefensible and not even we can help. You have been warned!
5. You will have to fight for any rights you do have regarding your children. It is equal on paper but don’t be fooled by this, in reality if you don’t live with your children, in the eyes of Social services, schools and the police you have no rights at all. Always have witnesses to everything you do and record everything in a diary.
6. If you need a solicitor make sure they are family law specialists as others could possibly take your case and lack the expertise. Be prepared to do most of the case work yourself, they are your children, make sure you get things right, you will only get one chance.
7. Mediation has resolved many disputes before a molehill becomes a mountain, before it goes into the real slanging match with accusing and condemning in court. You don’t want to be the cause of them saying, “you are angry and aggressive so I won’t attend mediation”. Give no excuses to refuse to attend. Make sure that the mediation is provided by an independent organisation like Family Mediation. They ask for donations only. You will find them in your local phone book or computer.
8. There also appears to be a standard template used by the parent with residency so do not be alarmed to find yourself falsely accused and branded as:-
a) Violent b)Controlling c)Abusive d)Aggressive c) Sexually abuse.
All of these will be used to alienate you from your children.
9. Above all try and gain agreement through mediation without involvement of lawyers, courts, police or Social Services. If you gain a court order for contact it is not always complied with and is often not enforced making a mockery of our family laws. Your children have nothing to gain by these agencies involvement and very real significant harm can come of it.
10. Seek help as soon you can from a help group and keep in touch with at least one of their members or/and their meetings.
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk/
Jimmy - 0141 882 5658 - UK
Jim - 01389 874 095- Clydebank and the west
Charlie - 01324 410 064- Larbet
Bill - 01563 821 869- Ayrshire
Richard - 01224 297 175- Aberdeen & the north
Eamonn - 0141 580 0102- Barrhead & the west
Frank- 01492 874 395- Wales
Elton - 01253 341 659- Blackpool area.
The Ten Commandments of Family Law.
(What we feel needs to change for our children’s best interest?)
1…Our motto is “Bringing Families Together” so we think the best interests of a
child starts with Equal parenting when there is no factually proven reason not
to.
2....The ‘Charter for Grandchildren’ to be Mandatory for Professionals working in
Children’s welfare and answerable in law.
3…Children are human beings. Stop treating them as Commodities like a
business deal. Cost only criteria and can ruin children’s lives
4.....If adopted, where appropriate, child contact maintained with birth family in
line with article 8 of the UN Convention on the rights of the child. (Should only
be stopped in the worst case scenario)
5 ...Kinship care before strangers to be the first choice.
6. ..All below accountable to law. (a)--..False accusations. (b)-..Erroneous reporting by social workers.
(c)…Flouting of court orders (d) Social Services Orchestrating “cover up’s”,
when children are failed
7…Proper recording of all social work meetings and discussions E.g. Dual tape
recording similar to police proceedings (to prevent and combat section 6 b+d)
8….More “transparency” and especially “accountability” for Social work and their
managers
9….Specialised training for social workers in the best interests of children. (Only
the most highly experienced social workers to deal in child protection)
10…. Accusations removed from record, when not proven.
Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent , Glasgow G52 1PJ, 0141 882 5658. http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
(Dealing with Conflict, protecting children)
Separation and divorce can be a nasty and bitter experience for every one concerned especially the children. It appears to be that 90% are fathers that lose out but it can happen to mothers too.. You would not believe your new loving sweetheart, presently telling you that “I will always be yours”, could be anything else but loving and gentle.
In our experience in dealing with grandparents that are prevented from contact with their grandchildren is that there is at least one parent involved too. We have come to the conclusion that both are inseparable and in the end it is the children we feel for in the conflict of hatred, spite and revenge that ruins their lives.
We just hope you will not experience any of these horrors but! Some of you certainly will.
Too often we have heard “I just can’t believe it, that she/he could go to these extremes like telling lies about domestic violence and using the children for revenge and blackmail to get back at me for their own selfish means”.
If you are experiencing marital problems or thinking of separating get in touch with a family group for advice. Do not delay and do not try to work it out yourself or force your will on anyone. Contact any of us listed on the contacts list before you do anything, and we mean anything. If we can’t help we will know a man that can.
1. Urgent! Firstly contact an outside family agency, someone not involved with the family and keep contact throughout. You must resolve the situation without any aggression or incidents or you will lose. If you don’t heed this you will possibly lose your children as well.
2. Speak to someone in a help group before contacting anyone you are in conflict with.. You will be too emotional to handle this on your own.
3. Do not swear or raise your voice or obstruct in any way. if you do come in contact with your ex-partner or their family.
4. If the police become involved move away as directed immediately. The police have no stomach for family problems. Do not argue or try to reason as you will get removed and possibly charged with breach or harassment and it will never be removed from your record, even if you are innocent. It could be used against you if courts or Social Services get involved. Don’t give any excuse or you will be indefensible and not even we can help. You have been warned!
5. You will have to fight for any rights you do have regarding your children. It is equal on paper but don’t be fooled by this, in reality if you don’t live with your children, in the eyes of Social services, schools and the police you have no rights at all. Always have witnesses to everything you do and record everything in a diary.
6. If you need a solicitor make sure they are family law specialists as others could possibly take your case and lack the expertise. Be prepared to do most of the case work yourself, they are your children, make sure you get things right, you will only get one chance.
7. Mediation has resolved many disputes before a molehill becomes a mountain, before it goes into the real slanging match with accusing and condemning in court. You don’t want to be the cause of them saying, “you are angry and aggressive so I won’t attend mediation”. Give no excuses to refuse to attend. Make sure that the mediation is provided by an independent organisation like Family Mediation. They ask for donations only. You will find them in your local phone book or computer.
8. There also appears to be a standard template used by the parent with residency so do not be alarmed to find yourself falsely accused and branded as:-
a) Violent b)Controlling c)Abusive d)Aggressive c) Sexually abuse.
All of these will be used to alienate you from your children.
9. Above all try and gain agreement through mediation without involvement of lawyers, courts, police or Social Services. If you gain a court order for contact it is not always complied with and is often not enforced making a mockery of our family laws. Your children have nothing to gain by these agencies involvement and very real significant harm can come of it.
10. Seek help as soon you can from a help group and keep in touch with at least one of their members or/and their meetings.
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk/
Jimmy - 0141 882 5658 - UK
Jim - 01389 874 095- Clydebank and the west
Charlie - 01324 410 064- Larbet
Bill - 01563 821 869- Ayrshire
Richard - 01224 297 175- Aberdeen & the north
Eamonn - 0141 580 0102- Barrhead & the west
Frank- 01492 874 395- Wales
Elton - 01253 341 659- Blackpool area.
The Ten Commandments of Family Law.
(What we feel needs to change for our children’s best interest?)
1…Our motto is “Bringing Families Together” so we think the best interests of a
child starts with Equal parenting when there is no factually proven reason not
to.
2....The ‘Charter for Grandchildren’ to be Mandatory for Professionals working in
Children’s welfare and answerable in law.
3…Children are human beings. Stop treating them as Commodities like a
business deal. Cost only criteria and can ruin children’s lives
4.....If adopted, where appropriate, child contact maintained with birth family in
line with article 8 of the UN Convention on the rights of the child. (Should only
be stopped in the worst case scenario)
5 ...Kinship care before strangers to be the first choice.
6. ..All below accountable to law. (a)--..False accusations. (b)-..Erroneous reporting by social workers.
(c)…Flouting of court orders (d) Social Services Orchestrating “cover up’s”,
when children are failed
7…Proper recording of all social work meetings and discussions E.g. Dual tape
recording similar to police proceedings (to prevent and combat section 6 b+d)
8….More “transparency” and especially “accountability” for Social work and their
managers
9….Specialised training for social workers in the best interests of children. (Only
the most highly experienced social workers to deal in child protection)
10…. Accusations removed from record, when not proven.
Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent , Glasgow G52 1PJ, 0141 882 5658. http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Why Women's shelters are hotbeds of Misandry
Why Women’s Shelters Are Hotbeds of Misandry
Von Gerhard Amendt 10. August 2009, 18:30 Uhr
According to Gerhard Amendt, Professor of Gender and Generation Research at the University of Bremen, representatives of the supposedly weaker sex are every bit as violent as their partners. The researcher concludes that women's shelters foster a devaluation of masculinity and should therefore be replaced by familiy counseling centers.
At the very moment when the operation of women's shelters in Germany has been subjected to scientific study for the first time, the German Bundestag’s Family Affairs Committee has decided to review the question of whether women's shelters should receive funding guarantees through the German federal government. Given the political ideology of women's shelters and the ramifications of such a step, this proposal should be taken under serious review. The answers to a number of questions are still outstanding. Have the services performed in women's shelters stood the test of time? Are the shelters operated in a professional manner, and have they moved on from an ideology that views men as the perpetrators of violence and women as nonviolent? Have women’s shelters developed a professional understanding of family conflicts that enables them to extend their efforts and include all members of a violent family?
Weiterführende Links
Das Zuhause, ein gefährlicher Ort für Frauen
Warum das Frauenhaus abgeschafft werden muss
Fälle häuslicher Gewalt gegen Frauen nehmen zu
Rudi Assauer, so etwas macht Mann nicht!
Deutschen Mädchen droht Beschneidung
Sankt-Augustin-Schülerin verblüfft Experten
Diskutieren Sie mit: Gehören Frauenhäuser abgeschafft?
As usual, the slated funding guarantees are based on no more than the convenient statistic that "every fourth woman will become the victim of relationship violence at some time in her life." Since there is no comparable data that would apply to men, the number is poorly suited as legitimization for women's shelters. Up until now, reference was made to the role of women as victims, and funding for such institutions was automatically renewed. The effectiveness of the shelters was not monitored. At the same time, the statistic was used to popularize their work. In the pre-Christmas season of 2007, a media campaign was launched in Austria under the slogan “Verliebt. Verlobt. Verprügelt” (In Love. Engaged. Battered). The German lottery also runs public service spots pertaining to the matter. While all this has little bearing on the circumstances under which men and women actually conduct their lives, it couldn’t document more clearly a bias against men.
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When women's shelters were first being opened more than 20 years ago, the object was to focus public attention on the experience of violence from a woman’s perspective. The founding of the Bremen women's shelter can be traced to just such an intention on the part of the author, who at the time endorsed the risky attempt to provide political lay self-help. This coincided with the spirit of the times and its sensitivity to violence as an aspect of women’s lives – although it did not extend to men. In those days, the author, too, was unwilling to imagine that women's shelters would make a substantial contribution to a hostile polarization of society into violent men as opposed to irenic women, thereby creating many years of stagnation in gender discourse.
Ignorant Family Policies
Today, we know more than we did 25 years ago about the partnership dynamics that trigger violence. More than two hundred studies in the USA and Canada have produced findings that have added to public knowledge and increased understanding in political circles. But it is precisely the field of family policies that offers stubborn resistance to the very essence of this research, namely, that women behave just as aggressively and violently as men, and even slightly more often. This also applies to their behavior toward their children. It is particularly conspicuous during phases of a divorce that are high in violence. All counseling agencies should be expected to help limit violence so that children, above all, do not become actively or passively involved in the violent episodes between their parents.
A major survey of divorced fathers conducted by the author in Bremen showed that violence occurs in 30 percent of all divorces, with 1,800 men reporting physical or psychological abuse by their partners. This represents a significantly higher rate of incidence than the approximately ten percent seen in relationships under everyday conditions. Within the 30 percent of divorces where violence occurred, sixty percent was initiated by the men’s ex-wives or ex-partners. Our survey findings revealed that within the most conflict laden context of an adult life, women, too, initiate violence. Only from the perspective of women’s shelters does violence emanate exclusively from men. Instead of making divorce conflicts more tractable, women’s shelters actually exacerbate them. The »every-fourth-woman« statistic is therefore being used to document the necessity of changing the Domestic Relations Law of 1998, because allegedly the sole source of danger for children during a divorce is violence stemming from their fathers. By pursuing this approach to family policy, the advocates of women’s shelters are attempting to use prejudice as a means to rescind the right of children to both of their parents.
The 60 percent of divorce-related violent incidents that are initiated by women inflict great suffering on the fathers involved. Their statements are genuine. Yet there is a difference between science and the ideologically based enemy image adopted in women’s shelters, and it lies in the evaluation of the numbers. Whereas science attempts to resolve conflict, the proponents of women’s shelters book hostility toward men as political success. Accordingly, we do not claim that women experience episodes of violence in exactly the same way that men do.
To make that assertion, we would have to survey them, which we have not as yet done – and neither have the »every-fourth-woman« agitators.
We have, however, arrived at an entirely different set of conclusions. We assume that women experienced the abuse in a similar way as their partners, namely, as stemming from the man. American studies confirm this. But if both parties are mutually accusing each other of starting the violence, then what is actually true? Both statements represent subjective truths. Generally, neither of the parties is lying. Unlike during their happier times, however, both of them now feel aggrieved and are no longer able to communicate with each other verbally. They lapse into lethal silence, scream at each other, or resort to physical blows. In such cases, marriage and family counselors can help to restore the couple’s destroyed ability to communicate. Once the partners reestablish a common language, they have the option of entering into a process of reconciliation or choosing to separate with respect. They and, above all, their children do not lose their positive experiences from the past.
Women’s shelters are incapable of providing this kind of professional intervention because of their ideology: they view a man as every woman’s enemy. For them, it is a foregone conclusion that women do not engage in violent acts. According to the ideology espoused in women’s shelters, this is always a given, and mutual talks between a woman and her partner are therefore superfluous. To this end, women are politically manipulated into a victim role and men are collectively denigrated. Consequently, the residents of women’s shelters are allowed to experience themselves only as victims and not as participants in a relationship that has turned violent.
Women’s shelters represent a world where the joy of life is missing, and efforts to resolve relationship conflicts have been replaced by existential despondency or even self-hatred. Misandry appears to offer a way out. This oppressive atmosphere surely accounts for the high rate of employee turnover at women’s shelters and the dissension within work teams. It enables one to understand recent research conducted in the USA which found that women are increasingly steering clear of shelters despite the severity of their conflicts. They do not want to be forced into a world that despises men. Their own problems are burden enough.
The advocates of women’s shelters are unfazed by objections that they are compromising the ethics of the helping professions, for professionalism is not their goal. On the contrary, they self-confidently label themselves as “partisan,” which is synonymous with viewing women as victims who face sinister male powers and an indifferent public. Professional ethics have been deliberately replaced by political motives. And that is by no means selfless. It gives them a narcissistic high and a sense of moral superiority over the rest of the world. It is a mixture of elitism and pretended self-sacrifice.
In the founding years of women’s shelters, this elitism functioned as a gateway for the disparagement of existing professional organizations that were sponsored, for example, by Protestant churches, the Catholic Church, or the German state governments.
In that respect, little has changed. The proponents of women’s shelters believe that their combative, anti-patriarchal rhetoric will have a greater impact than professionally trained counselors and therapists. Most of them seem unimpressed that they are not genuinely helping those who seek counseling, because they attribute their failure to a lack of political insight on the part of the women. Their sense of mission appears to provide greater narcissistic gratification than the tough, daunting task of working with violent families who have elevated physical expression to the language of everyday life and otherwise no longer have much to say about each other.
The Feminist Ideology: A Hotbed of Misandry
Granted, there may be shelters that have jettisoned their ideological ballast, but even the term “women’s shelter” itself always implies the disastrous ideology of radical feminism, whereby relationships between men and women are characterized by their respective status as victim and perpetrator. According to that, women can do nothing and men are completely in charge.
Thus, women's shelters perpetuate the destruction of communication within partnerships as a political project within the gender discussion.
The conclusions are obvious. The concept of ideologically based women’s shelters is no longer needed. What families with violence problems urgently need is a network of counseling centers that can provide unbiased and nondiscriminatory assistance to all of the parties involved. For family violence is systemic and psychodynamic in nature. If a woman strikes her husband, and the husband strikes his wife, then there is a high probability that they are also abusing their children. And children who have been struck, boys and girls alike, are in turn more likely as adults to strike their own children or partners. This sets the course for the reemergence of intra-family violence in the following generation. Society continuously accumulates a growing potential for violence. And mothers who do not strike their children, but instead leave the task to the children's father, are no less integral parts of the scheme of violence – as is the parent who simply remains silent in response to the entire situation.
Family Counseling Centers against Domestic Violence
Instead of women's shelters, what we need in the future are specialized counseling centers for families with unresolved violent conflicts. These would be staffed by well-trained men and women who cooperate based on professional ethical standards. They would intervene directly during violent family crises and, in extreme cases, provide a temporary safe haven for men and children and women, to the extent this has not already become unnecessary due to a personal protection order. We need family counseling centers that can step in and have an impact at the very source of the ongoing intergenerational cycle of violence. A public that is dumbfounded by the apathy of youth welfare offices and horrified by school murders and the corpses of children should approve government funding only if those who seek counseling are assured to receive effective assistance. Counseling and therapy simply must be kept free of political ideologies. The only place where this does not apply is in undemocratic societies.
Likewise, we need to initiate a new discussion at colleges and universities. Politcal correctness has given rise to a prohibition on thinking about women in terms of aggression and violence, and this must be confronted with the findings of international research.
About the Author
Gerhard Amendt is Professor of Gender and Generation Research. His most recent book, "I did not divorce my kids!" How Fathers Deal with Family Break-Ups was published in 2008. His forthcoming publication is a text book on intra-family violence. The author can be reached at amendt@uni-bremen.de or through his homepage: http://www.igg.uni-bremen.de
Translated by Philip Schmitz
Von Gerhard Amendt 10. August 2009, 18:30 Uhr
According to Gerhard Amendt, Professor of Gender and Generation Research at the University of Bremen, representatives of the supposedly weaker sex are every bit as violent as their partners. The researcher concludes that women's shelters foster a devaluation of masculinity and should therefore be replaced by familiy counseling centers.
At the very moment when the operation of women's shelters in Germany has been subjected to scientific study for the first time, the German Bundestag’s Family Affairs Committee has decided to review the question of whether women's shelters should receive funding guarantees through the German federal government. Given the political ideology of women's shelters and the ramifications of such a step, this proposal should be taken under serious review. The answers to a number of questions are still outstanding. Have the services performed in women's shelters stood the test of time? Are the shelters operated in a professional manner, and have they moved on from an ideology that views men as the perpetrators of violence and women as nonviolent? Have women’s shelters developed a professional understanding of family conflicts that enables them to extend their efforts and include all members of a violent family?
Weiterführende Links
Das Zuhause, ein gefährlicher Ort für Frauen
Warum das Frauenhaus abgeschafft werden muss
Fälle häuslicher Gewalt gegen Frauen nehmen zu
Rudi Assauer, so etwas macht Mann nicht!
Deutschen Mädchen droht Beschneidung
Sankt-Augustin-Schülerin verblüfft Experten
Diskutieren Sie mit: Gehören Frauenhäuser abgeschafft?
As usual, the slated funding guarantees are based on no more than the convenient statistic that "every fourth woman will become the victim of relationship violence at some time in her life." Since there is no comparable data that would apply to men, the number is poorly suited as legitimization for women's shelters. Up until now, reference was made to the role of women as victims, and funding for such institutions was automatically renewed. The effectiveness of the shelters was not monitored. At the same time, the statistic was used to popularize their work. In the pre-Christmas season of 2007, a media campaign was launched in Austria under the slogan “Verliebt. Verlobt. Verprügelt” (In Love. Engaged. Battered). The German lottery also runs public service spots pertaining to the matter. While all this has little bearing on the circumstances under which men and women actually conduct their lives, it couldn’t document more clearly a bias against men.
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When women's shelters were first being opened more than 20 years ago, the object was to focus public attention on the experience of violence from a woman’s perspective. The founding of the Bremen women's shelter can be traced to just such an intention on the part of the author, who at the time endorsed the risky attempt to provide political lay self-help. This coincided with the spirit of the times and its sensitivity to violence as an aspect of women’s lives – although it did not extend to men. In those days, the author, too, was unwilling to imagine that women's shelters would make a substantial contribution to a hostile polarization of society into violent men as opposed to irenic women, thereby creating many years of stagnation in gender discourse.
Ignorant Family Policies
Today, we know more than we did 25 years ago about the partnership dynamics that trigger violence. More than two hundred studies in the USA and Canada have produced findings that have added to public knowledge and increased understanding in political circles. But it is precisely the field of family policies that offers stubborn resistance to the very essence of this research, namely, that women behave just as aggressively and violently as men, and even slightly more often. This also applies to their behavior toward their children. It is particularly conspicuous during phases of a divorce that are high in violence. All counseling agencies should be expected to help limit violence so that children, above all, do not become actively or passively involved in the violent episodes between their parents.
A major survey of divorced fathers conducted by the author in Bremen showed that violence occurs in 30 percent of all divorces, with 1,800 men reporting physical or psychological abuse by their partners. This represents a significantly higher rate of incidence than the approximately ten percent seen in relationships under everyday conditions. Within the 30 percent of divorces where violence occurred, sixty percent was initiated by the men’s ex-wives or ex-partners. Our survey findings revealed that within the most conflict laden context of an adult life, women, too, initiate violence. Only from the perspective of women’s shelters does violence emanate exclusively from men. Instead of making divorce conflicts more tractable, women’s shelters actually exacerbate them. The »every-fourth-woman« statistic is therefore being used to document the necessity of changing the Domestic Relations Law of 1998, because allegedly the sole source of danger for children during a divorce is violence stemming from their fathers. By pursuing this approach to family policy, the advocates of women’s shelters are attempting to use prejudice as a means to rescind the right of children to both of their parents.
The 60 percent of divorce-related violent incidents that are initiated by women inflict great suffering on the fathers involved. Their statements are genuine. Yet there is a difference between science and the ideologically based enemy image adopted in women’s shelters, and it lies in the evaluation of the numbers. Whereas science attempts to resolve conflict, the proponents of women’s shelters book hostility toward men as political success. Accordingly, we do not claim that women experience episodes of violence in exactly the same way that men do.
To make that assertion, we would have to survey them, which we have not as yet done – and neither have the »every-fourth-woman« agitators.
We have, however, arrived at an entirely different set of conclusions. We assume that women experienced the abuse in a similar way as their partners, namely, as stemming from the man. American studies confirm this. But if both parties are mutually accusing each other of starting the violence, then what is actually true? Both statements represent subjective truths. Generally, neither of the parties is lying. Unlike during their happier times, however, both of them now feel aggrieved and are no longer able to communicate with each other verbally. They lapse into lethal silence, scream at each other, or resort to physical blows. In such cases, marriage and family counselors can help to restore the couple’s destroyed ability to communicate. Once the partners reestablish a common language, they have the option of entering into a process of reconciliation or choosing to separate with respect. They and, above all, their children do not lose their positive experiences from the past.
Women’s shelters are incapable of providing this kind of professional intervention because of their ideology: they view a man as every woman’s enemy. For them, it is a foregone conclusion that women do not engage in violent acts. According to the ideology espoused in women’s shelters, this is always a given, and mutual talks between a woman and her partner are therefore superfluous. To this end, women are politically manipulated into a victim role and men are collectively denigrated. Consequently, the residents of women’s shelters are allowed to experience themselves only as victims and not as participants in a relationship that has turned violent.
Women’s shelters represent a world where the joy of life is missing, and efforts to resolve relationship conflicts have been replaced by existential despondency or even self-hatred. Misandry appears to offer a way out. This oppressive atmosphere surely accounts for the high rate of employee turnover at women’s shelters and the dissension within work teams. It enables one to understand recent research conducted in the USA which found that women are increasingly steering clear of shelters despite the severity of their conflicts. They do not want to be forced into a world that despises men. Their own problems are burden enough.
The advocates of women’s shelters are unfazed by objections that they are compromising the ethics of the helping professions, for professionalism is not their goal. On the contrary, they self-confidently label themselves as “partisan,” which is synonymous with viewing women as victims who face sinister male powers and an indifferent public. Professional ethics have been deliberately replaced by political motives. And that is by no means selfless. It gives them a narcissistic high and a sense of moral superiority over the rest of the world. It is a mixture of elitism and pretended self-sacrifice.
In the founding years of women’s shelters, this elitism functioned as a gateway for the disparagement of existing professional organizations that were sponsored, for example, by Protestant churches, the Catholic Church, or the German state governments.
In that respect, little has changed. The proponents of women’s shelters believe that their combative, anti-patriarchal rhetoric will have a greater impact than professionally trained counselors and therapists. Most of them seem unimpressed that they are not genuinely helping those who seek counseling, because they attribute their failure to a lack of political insight on the part of the women. Their sense of mission appears to provide greater narcissistic gratification than the tough, daunting task of working with violent families who have elevated physical expression to the language of everyday life and otherwise no longer have much to say about each other.
The Feminist Ideology: A Hotbed of Misandry
Granted, there may be shelters that have jettisoned their ideological ballast, but even the term “women’s shelter” itself always implies the disastrous ideology of radical feminism, whereby relationships between men and women are characterized by their respective status as victim and perpetrator. According to that, women can do nothing and men are completely in charge.
Thus, women's shelters perpetuate the destruction of communication within partnerships as a political project within the gender discussion.
The conclusions are obvious. The concept of ideologically based women’s shelters is no longer needed. What families with violence problems urgently need is a network of counseling centers that can provide unbiased and nondiscriminatory assistance to all of the parties involved. For family violence is systemic and psychodynamic in nature. If a woman strikes her husband, and the husband strikes his wife, then there is a high probability that they are also abusing their children. And children who have been struck, boys and girls alike, are in turn more likely as adults to strike their own children or partners. This sets the course for the reemergence of intra-family violence in the following generation. Society continuously accumulates a growing potential for violence. And mothers who do not strike their children, but instead leave the task to the children's father, are no less integral parts of the scheme of violence – as is the parent who simply remains silent in response to the entire situation.
Family Counseling Centers against Domestic Violence
Instead of women's shelters, what we need in the future are specialized counseling centers for families with unresolved violent conflicts. These would be staffed by well-trained men and women who cooperate based on professional ethical standards. They would intervene directly during violent family crises and, in extreme cases, provide a temporary safe haven for men and children and women, to the extent this has not already become unnecessary due to a personal protection order. We need family counseling centers that can step in and have an impact at the very source of the ongoing intergenerational cycle of violence. A public that is dumbfounded by the apathy of youth welfare offices and horrified by school murders and the corpses of children should approve government funding only if those who seek counseling are assured to receive effective assistance. Counseling and therapy simply must be kept free of political ideologies. The only place where this does not apply is in undemocratic societies.
Likewise, we need to initiate a new discussion at colleges and universities. Politcal correctness has given rise to a prohibition on thinking about women in terms of aggression and violence, and this must be confronted with the findings of international research.
About the Author
Gerhard Amendt is Professor of Gender and Generation Research. His most recent book, "I did not divorce my kids!" How Fathers Deal with Family Break-Ups was published in 2008. His forthcoming publication is a text book on intra-family violence. The author can be reached at amendt@uni-bremen.de or through his homepage: http://www.igg.uni-bremen.de
Translated by Philip Schmitz
Fleeing Scots mum to be chargerd in Ireland with abduction
Scots mum to be charged with abduction in the republic of Ireland
An Irish high court judge stunned everyone by telling the Scots mother who fled to the republic with her daughter for justice that she would be charged with abduction, although she has cooperated in every way and not broken any Irish laws.
The Irish social services had already told her that her daughter would be returned to her as her assessment period was over but now they suddenly appear to be under a new masters ruling that shocked every lawyer and barrister in the court.
Why is this case being held in a high court? Is the decision going to be political? Are they determined not to lose face in this case and have it appears involved the Scottish NHS and the Scottish government. (Enter 007)
WHERE ARE ’THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD’ WHEN THE SOCIAL SERVICES ARE DESTROYING THIS CHILD’S MIND, EMOTIONS AND SPIRIT JUST TO PROVE THEIR SUPERIORITY.
The little girl is eight years old and social services have told the mum to tell her to stop lying. Is a child lying when raging disappointed departing Scottish social workers told her that she will be returned to her carers in Scotland? The wee girl was hysterical and shaking with fear which resulted in her reverting back in her habits near enough to a baby again? The present carers can prove this but now they are out of the picture. You judge! This child is to be moved to yet another carer because the present ones have become involved with the mum and daughter and have the greatest sympathy knowing what they are being put through.
Make no mistake about it this mother and child is being destroyed by politics. Does anyone care enough to highlight this case in the media for an innocent mother whose only motive is to right the wrongs done to her family and to get her family out of the clutches of social services to have normality back in their lives.
An appeal for a computer, (Laptop) does anyone have a laptop that can be sent to this mother? She is in a woman’s refuge and being well looked after but she is isolated in her communication and searching the internet for advice and information.
Contact:-
Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent
Glasgow G52 1PJ
0141 882 5658
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
An Irish high court judge stunned everyone by telling the Scots mother who fled to the republic with her daughter for justice that she would be charged with abduction, although she has cooperated in every way and not broken any Irish laws.
The Irish social services had already told her that her daughter would be returned to her as her assessment period was over but now they suddenly appear to be under a new masters ruling that shocked every lawyer and barrister in the court.
Why is this case being held in a high court? Is the decision going to be political? Are they determined not to lose face in this case and have it appears involved the Scottish NHS and the Scottish government. (Enter 007)
WHERE ARE ’THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD’ WHEN THE SOCIAL SERVICES ARE DESTROYING THIS CHILD’S MIND, EMOTIONS AND SPIRIT JUST TO PROVE THEIR SUPERIORITY.
The little girl is eight years old and social services have told the mum to tell her to stop lying. Is a child lying when raging disappointed departing Scottish social workers told her that she will be returned to her carers in Scotland? The wee girl was hysterical and shaking with fear which resulted in her reverting back in her habits near enough to a baby again? The present carers can prove this but now they are out of the picture. You judge! This child is to be moved to yet another carer because the present ones have become involved with the mum and daughter and have the greatest sympathy knowing what they are being put through.
Make no mistake about it this mother and child is being destroyed by politics. Does anyone care enough to highlight this case in the media for an innocent mother whose only motive is to right the wrongs done to her family and to get her family out of the clutches of social services to have normality back in their lives.
An appeal for a computer, (Laptop) does anyone have a laptop that can be sent to this mother? She is in a woman’s refuge and being well looked after but she is isolated in her communication and searching the internet for advice and information.
Contact:-
Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent
Glasgow G52 1PJ
0141 882 5658
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Why we operate Grandparents Apart UK.
Jimmy & Margaret Deuchars
Family life for Jimmy and Margaret was torn apart in 1953 when their 25-year-old daughter was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. She had just given birth to her younger daughter, Nicola, and made a heartbreaking plea to us as she lay dying. We were sitting at her hospital bedside and she clung to us and said: "Dad I’m not going to make it! If Joe finds smebody else please help him and the girls”
'We were all in shock but we held her, kissed her and reassured her that Joanne then two, and newborn Nicola would be loved and cared for by us all for the rest of our lives.'
The two girls embraced the stability of our home. But after three years everything changed.
Our son-in-law met a new partner, who lived in Liverpool. I don't think she ever really wanted the girls, but she wanted him. 'they took them down to live with her in Liverpool. She didn't want anything to do with his late wife's family, and we were simply cut out of their lives.
'We were told we would be allowed to see them every month, but then contact just slipped away - it was "too cold" to bring them north, or it was the wrong place to meet because she was traveling a few miles further or they were busy. 'For at least six months we did not see them at all, which broke our hearts. My husband said he didn't want to go on living if he couldn't see his granddaughters, which was why we took legal action so quickly.'
The shock was immense. 'I could not believe anyone would do this,' 'We were the girls' security. They loved their dad, but they relied on us.'
We were utterly horrified to discover we had no more rights to see our grandchildren than a stranger.
Many grandparents are denied access to their grandchildren out of spite when parents separate but the children suffer the most with the loss of stability in their lives.
At a Mediation session in a side room with a court officer an agreement was worked out. Shaky at first but it did last the course and we did see the girls regularly. 'It was heart-breaking, but better than nothing.' Jimmy says, 'When we saw them again after all that time apart, we were all crying. 'We met up halfway between Glasgow and Liverpool, at Carlisle Castle, and as they came running up to us with their arms outstretched, we both burst into tears.'
For the next three years, the couple drove to Carlisle every month to see their granddaughters.
'There were always a thousand hugs and kisses. They'd ask us: "Why? Why couldn't we see you, Grandad?" 'What could we say? We took them out for lunch, they ran about in the castle grounds, and then it would be time to say goodbye. 'Every time it was so painful, we would drive home in floods of tears.'
All our grandchildren are important in our lives,' he says. It is a tragic truth that all too often in the bitter fallout from a divorce or break-up, children are used as pawns to 'punish' or get at other pople - while the grandparents are caught up in this emotional blackmail.
We operate this charity because when we needed it there was nowhere we could get support or advice except lawyers and we were so confused. We decided to help others as we could not forget the pain and confusion which leaves one emotionally drained, angry. We try to help people avoid the many dead ends we came up against.
Family life for Jimmy and Margaret was torn apart in 1953 when their 25-year-old daughter was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. She had just given birth to her younger daughter, Nicola, and made a heartbreaking plea to us as she lay dying. We were sitting at her hospital bedside and she clung to us and said: "Dad I’m not going to make it! If Joe finds smebody else please help him and the girls”
'We were all in shock but we held her, kissed her and reassured her that Joanne then two, and newborn Nicola would be loved and cared for by us all for the rest of our lives.'
The two girls embraced the stability of our home. But after three years everything changed.
Our son-in-law met a new partner, who lived in Liverpool. I don't think she ever really wanted the girls, but she wanted him. 'they took them down to live with her in Liverpool. She didn't want anything to do with his late wife's family, and we were simply cut out of their lives.
'We were told we would be allowed to see them every month, but then contact just slipped away - it was "too cold" to bring them north, or it was the wrong place to meet because she was traveling a few miles further or they were busy. 'For at least six months we did not see them at all, which broke our hearts. My husband said he didn't want to go on living if he couldn't see his granddaughters, which was why we took legal action so quickly.'
The shock was immense. 'I could not believe anyone would do this,' 'We were the girls' security. They loved their dad, but they relied on us.'
We were utterly horrified to discover we had no more rights to see our grandchildren than a stranger.
Many grandparents are denied access to their grandchildren out of spite when parents separate but the children suffer the most with the loss of stability in their lives.
At a Mediation session in a side room with a court officer an agreement was worked out. Shaky at first but it did last the course and we did see the girls regularly. 'It was heart-breaking, but better than nothing.' Jimmy says, 'When we saw them again after all that time apart, we were all crying. 'We met up halfway between Glasgow and Liverpool, at Carlisle Castle, and as they came running up to us with their arms outstretched, we both burst into tears.'
For the next three years, the couple drove to Carlisle every month to see their granddaughters.
'There were always a thousand hugs and kisses. They'd ask us: "Why? Why couldn't we see you, Grandad?" 'What could we say? We took them out for lunch, they ran about in the castle grounds, and then it would be time to say goodbye. 'Every time it was so painful, we would drive home in floods of tears.'
All our grandchildren are important in our lives,' he says. It is a tragic truth that all too often in the bitter fallout from a divorce or break-up, children are used as pawns to 'punish' or get at other pople - while the grandparents are caught up in this emotional blackmail.
We operate this charity because when we needed it there was nowhere we could get support or advice except lawyers and we were so confused. We decided to help others as we could not forget the pain and confusion which leaves one emotionally drained, angry. We try to help people avoid the many dead ends we came up against.
'The Charter for Fathers' & Ten Commandments of Family law.
‘The Charter for Fathers’
(Dealing with Conflict, protecting children)
Separation and divorce can be a nasty and bitter experience for every one concerned especially the children. It appears to be that 90% are fathers that lose out but it can happen to mothers too.. You would not believe your new loving sweetheart, presently telling you that “I will always be yours”, could be anything else but loving and gentle.
In our experience in dealing with grandparents that are prevented from contact with their grandchildren is that there is at least one parent involved too. We have come to the conclusion that both are inseparable and in the end it is the children we feel for in the conflict of hatred, spite and revenge that ruins their lives.
We just hope you will not experience any of these horrors but! Some of you certainly will.
Too often we have heard “I just can’t believe it, that she/he could go to these extremes like telling lies about domestic violence and using the children for revenge and blackmail to get back at me for their own selfish means”.
If you are experiencing marital problems or thinking of separating get in touch with a family group for advice. Do not delay and do not try to work it out yourself or force your will on anyone. Contact any of us listed on the contacts list before you do anything, and we mean anything. If we can’t help we will know a man that can.
1. Urgent! Firstly contact an outside family agency, someone not involved with the family and keep contact throughout. You must resolve the situation without any aggression or incidents or you will lose. If you don’t heed this you will possibly lose your children as well.
2. Speak to someone in a help group before contacting anyone you are in conflict with.. You will be too emotional to handle this on your own.
3. Do not swear or raise your voice or obstruct in any way. if you do come in contact with your ex-partner or their family.
4. If the police become involved move away as directed immediately. The police have no stomach for family problems. Do not argue or try to reason as you will get removed and possibly charged with breach or harassment and it will never be removed from your record, even if you are innocent. It could be used against you if courts or Social Services get involved. Don’t give any excuse or you will be indefensible and not even we can help. You have been warned!
5. You will have to fight for any rights you do have regarding your children. It is equal on paper but don’t be fooled by this, in reality if you don’t live with your children, in the eyes of Social services, schools and the police you have no rights at all. Always have witnesses to everything you do and record everything in a diary.
6. If you need a solicitor make sure they are family law specialists as others could possibly take your case and lack the expertise. Be prepared to do most of the case work yourself, they are your children, make sure you get things right, you will only get one chance.
7. Mediation has resolved many disputes before a molehill becomes a mountain, before it goes into the real slanging match with accusing and condemning in court. You don’t want to be the cause of them saying, “you are angry and aggressive so I won’t attend mediation”. Give no excuses to refuse to attend. Make sure that the mediation is provided by an independent organisation like Family Mediation. They ask for donations only. You will find them in your local phone book or computer.
8. There also appears to be a standard template used by the parent with residency so do not be alarmed to find yourself falsely accused and branded as:-
a) Violent b)Controlling c)Abusive d)Aggressive c) Sexually abuse.
All of these will be used to alienate you from your children.
9. Above all try and gain agreement through mediation without involvement of lawyers, courts, police or Social Services. If you gain a court order for contact it is not always complied with and is often not enforced making a mockery of our family laws. Your children have nothing to gain by these agencies involvement and very real significant harm can come of it.
10. Seek help as soon you can from a help group and keep in touch with at least one of their members or/and their meetings.
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk/
Jimmy - 0141 882 5658 - UK
Jim - 01389 874 095- Clydebank and the west
Charlie - 01324 410 064- Larbet
Bill - 01563 821 869- Ayrshire
Richard - 01224 297 175- Aberdeen & the north
Eamonn - 0141 580 0102- Barrhead & the west
Frank- 01492 874 395- Wales
Elton - 01253 341 659- Blackpool area.
The Ten Commandments of Family Law.
(What we feel needs to change for our children’s best interest?)
1…Our motto is “Bringing Families Together” so we think the best interests of a
child starts with Equal parenting when there is no factually proven reason not
to.
2....The ‘Charter for Grandchildren’ to be Mandatory for Professionals working in
Children’s welfare and answerable in law.
3…Children are human beings. Stop treating them as Commodities like a
business deal. Cost only criteria and can ruin children’s lives
4.....If adopted, where appropriate, child contact maintained with birth family in
line with article 8 of the UN Convention on the rights of the child. (Should only
be stopped in the worst case scenario)
5 ...Kinship care before strangers to be the first choice.
6. ..All below accountable to law. (a)--..False accusations. (b)-..Erroneous reporting by
social workers.
(c)…Flouting of court orders (d) Social Services Orchestrating “cover up’s”,
when children are failed
7…Proper recording of all social work meetings and discussions E.g. Dual tape
recording similar to police proceedings (to prevent and combat section 6 b+d)
8….More “transparency” and especially “accountability” for Social work and their
managers
9….Specialised training for social workers in the best interests of children. (Only
the most highly experienced social workers to deal in child protection)
10…. Accusations removed from record, when not proven.
Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent , Glasgow G52 1PJ, 0141 882 5658. http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
(Dealing with Conflict, protecting children)
Separation and divorce can be a nasty and bitter experience for every one concerned especially the children. It appears to be that 90% are fathers that lose out but it can happen to mothers too.. You would not believe your new loving sweetheart, presently telling you that “I will always be yours”, could be anything else but loving and gentle.
In our experience in dealing with grandparents that are prevented from contact with their grandchildren is that there is at least one parent involved too. We have come to the conclusion that both are inseparable and in the end it is the children we feel for in the conflict of hatred, spite and revenge that ruins their lives.
We just hope you will not experience any of these horrors but! Some of you certainly will.
Too often we have heard “I just can’t believe it, that she/he could go to these extremes like telling lies about domestic violence and using the children for revenge and blackmail to get back at me for their own selfish means”.
If you are experiencing marital problems or thinking of separating get in touch with a family group for advice. Do not delay and do not try to work it out yourself or force your will on anyone. Contact any of us listed on the contacts list before you do anything, and we mean anything. If we can’t help we will know a man that can.
1. Urgent! Firstly contact an outside family agency, someone not involved with the family and keep contact throughout. You must resolve the situation without any aggression or incidents or you will lose. If you don’t heed this you will possibly lose your children as well.
2. Speak to someone in a help group before contacting anyone you are in conflict with.. You will be too emotional to handle this on your own.
3. Do not swear or raise your voice or obstruct in any way. if you do come in contact with your ex-partner or their family.
4. If the police become involved move away as directed immediately. The police have no stomach for family problems. Do not argue or try to reason as you will get removed and possibly charged with breach or harassment and it will never be removed from your record, even if you are innocent. It could be used against you if courts or Social Services get involved. Don’t give any excuse or you will be indefensible and not even we can help. You have been warned!
5. You will have to fight for any rights you do have regarding your children. It is equal on paper but don’t be fooled by this, in reality if you don’t live with your children, in the eyes of Social services, schools and the police you have no rights at all. Always have witnesses to everything you do and record everything in a diary.
6. If you need a solicitor make sure they are family law specialists as others could possibly take your case and lack the expertise. Be prepared to do most of the case work yourself, they are your children, make sure you get things right, you will only get one chance.
7. Mediation has resolved many disputes before a molehill becomes a mountain, before it goes into the real slanging match with accusing and condemning in court. You don’t want to be the cause of them saying, “you are angry and aggressive so I won’t attend mediation”. Give no excuses to refuse to attend. Make sure that the mediation is provided by an independent organisation like Family Mediation. They ask for donations only. You will find them in your local phone book or computer.
8. There also appears to be a standard template used by the parent with residency so do not be alarmed to find yourself falsely accused and branded as:-
a) Violent b)Controlling c)Abusive d)Aggressive c) Sexually abuse.
All of these will be used to alienate you from your children.
9. Above all try and gain agreement through mediation without involvement of lawyers, courts, police or Social Services. If you gain a court order for contact it is not always complied with and is often not enforced making a mockery of our family laws. Your children have nothing to gain by these agencies involvement and very real significant harm can come of it.
10. Seek help as soon you can from a help group and keep in touch with at least one of their members or/and their meetings.
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk/
Jimmy - 0141 882 5658 - UK
Jim - 01389 874 095- Clydebank and the west
Charlie - 01324 410 064- Larbet
Bill - 01563 821 869- Ayrshire
Richard - 01224 297 175- Aberdeen & the north
Eamonn - 0141 580 0102- Barrhead & the west
Frank- 01492 874 395- Wales
Elton - 01253 341 659- Blackpool area.
The Ten Commandments of Family Law.
(What we feel needs to change for our children’s best interest?)
1…Our motto is “Bringing Families Together” so we think the best interests of a
child starts with Equal parenting when there is no factually proven reason not
to.
2....The ‘Charter for Grandchildren’ to be Mandatory for Professionals working in
Children’s welfare and answerable in law.
3…Children are human beings. Stop treating them as Commodities like a
business deal. Cost only criteria and can ruin children’s lives
4.....If adopted, where appropriate, child contact maintained with birth family in
line with article 8 of the UN Convention on the rights of the child. (Should only
be stopped in the worst case scenario)
5 ...Kinship care before strangers to be the first choice.
6. ..All below accountable to law. (a)--..False accusations. (b)-..Erroneous reporting by
social workers.
(c)…Flouting of court orders (d) Social Services Orchestrating “cover up’s”,
when children are failed
7…Proper recording of all social work meetings and discussions E.g. Dual tape
recording similar to police proceedings (to prevent and combat section 6 b+d)
8….More “transparency” and especially “accountability” for Social work and their
managers
9….Specialised training for social workers in the best interests of children. (Only
the most highly experienced social workers to deal in child protection)
10…. Accusations removed from record, when not proven.
Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent , Glasgow G52 1PJ, 0141 882 5658. http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
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