Why we operate Grandparents Apart UK.

Jimmy & Margaret Deuchars

Family life for Jimmy and Margaret was torn apart in 1953 when their 25-year-old daughter was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. She had just given birth to her younger daughter, Nicola, and made a heartbreaking plea to us as she lay dying. We were sitting at her hospital bedside and she clung to us and said: "Dad I’m not going to make it! If Joe finds smebody else please help him and the girls”

'We were all in shock but we held her, kissed her and reassured her that Joanne then two, and newborn Nicola would be loved and cared for by us all for the rest of our lives.'

The two girls embraced the stability of our home. But after three years everything changed.
Our son-in-law met a new partner, who lived in Liverpool. I don't think she ever really wanted the girls, but she wanted him. 'they took them down to live with her in Liverpool. She didn't want anything to do with his late wife's family, and we were simply cut out of their lives.

'We were told we would be allowed to see them every month, but then contact just slipped away - it was "too cold" to bring them north, or it was the wrong place to meet because she was traveling a few miles further or they were busy. 'For at least six months we did not see them at all, which broke our hearts. My husband said he didn't want to go on living if he couldn't see his granddaughters, which was why we took legal action so quickly.'

The shock was immense. 'I could not believe anyone would do this,' 'We were the girls' security. They loved their dad, but they relied on us.'

We were utterly horrified to discover we had no more rights to see our grandchildren than a stranger.

Many grandparents are denied access to their grandchildren out of spite when parents separate but the children suffer the most with the loss of stability in their lives.

At a Mediation session in a side room with a court officer an agreement was worked out. Shaky at first but it did last the course and we did see the girls regularly. 'It was heart-breaking, but better than nothing.' Jimmy says, 'When we saw them again after all that time apart, we were all crying. 'We met up halfway between Glasgow and Liverpool, at Carlisle Castle, and as they came running up to us with their arms outstretched, we both burst into tears.'

For the next three years, the couple drove to Carlisle every month to see their granddaughters.
'There were always a thousand hugs and kisses. They'd ask us: "Why? Why couldn't we see you, Grandad?" 'What could we say? We took them out for lunch, they ran about in the castle grounds, and then it would be time to say goodbye. 'Every time it was so painful, we would drive home in floods of tears.'

All our grandchildren are important in our lives,' he says. It is a tragic truth that all too often in the bitter fallout from a divorce or break-up, children are used as pawns to 'punish' or get at other pople - while the grandparents are caught up in this emotional blackmail.

We operate this charity because when we needed it there was nowhere we could get support or advice except lawyers and we were so confused. We decided to help others as we could not forget the pain and confusion which leaves one emotionally drained, angry. We try to help people avoid the many dead ends we came up against.